xyzgc
02-08 01:50 PM
Hi,
I been a member of IV for a long time and just to keep myself anonymous for a while I created this account. I am so sorry for opening a thread in a completely irrelevant forum but I have no idea what to do. So, I request all the members to please help me by providing some kind of information.
Here is my story:
I came to US in 2002 and completed masters and been working since then. I got married couple of years ago. Whatever the monetary gifts the girls parents gave as part of the marriage, I put all that in an account on the girls name within 2 days of the marriage. We came to India and from then on the problems started. She and her parents want me to separate from my parents and support their family by sending money to their parents which I couldn't do. How can I leave my parents in their old age when they worked very hard to give a decent life. She has been harassing me mentally for this all the time. Recently her parents have been threatening me saying they will file dowry case in India if I don't send money or cut myself off from my parents. I provided for the girl in all possible ways, even encouraged her to join school to get a masters degree which she stopped soon. We had a baby recently and my parents visited us to help us with the baby. She started harassing them too by saying something or other.
I am very frustrated at this situation and I don't know what to do. I am on H1B and applied for 485 too. At times I feel like applying for divorce but when I think about my little baby I am not able to take that step. The house we currently live in, I bought long before the marriage. It came to a situation where we cannot live together. I cannot ask her to go out of the house because she doesn't have anywhere to go and with the baby even if she leaves, it will be very tough. I said I will leave the house and stay in a apartment for which she threatens to commit suicide. So, I don't know what to do. I am worried about my baby because between all this my baby's life will be spoiled and I don't want that. Can anyone please tell me what I can do in this matter?
Thank you very much for taking time to read this.
When you hear incidents like this, its always like "girls are too much". On the contrary, when we hear of wives being beaten up by "educated husbands" boys are too much. This is all silly really.
I have heard some indian females complaining all the time how males tend to dominate everywhere its not really true. In a relationship, anyone could be a dominant partner - male or female. Dominance also means responsibility and taking initiative. So its not all that bad. And it is certainly not a male prerogative!!
Your case is a clear case of "external interference". Divorce is not a solution to cases like these. Its not like you are not getting along. You relationship is spoiled due to unwanted interference. Convince your wife that you and her always come first. You cannot make your parents happy at the cost of displeasing her and also the other way round.
Stop trying to diplomatic and stop being a family-pleaser. If you don't like something, say it clear and upfront rather than pussy footing around it. I found that diplomacy does not work at all. It only sends wrong signals and eventually you end up putting a firm foot down, anyways.
Get rid of the elders from your life. It means don't allow parents/siblings from either sides to interfere at all in any decision making. Get the inputs but make it clear its a joint decision made by husband-wife and they have no say in it. Don't allow your parents/in-laws to stay with you more than bare minimum necessary for the new-born.
If it means making some career sacrifices, so be it. Its your baby and you need to take care of it finally.
Retrospect - analyze what has gone wrong. Today, you find your wife is all wrong and you are all right but when you do the retrospect you'll find its not like that, in fact its never like that. Humans make mistakes and we must accept that.
Stop sending money to parents and in-laws, if its possible. Otherwise, maintain parity by sending money in small amounts to both parents. Its stupid to say my wife is not working so she has no business to send money to her parents. Its so wrong and I'm surprised folks can think like this. Marriage is about sharing and even a child will tell you that. If the in-laws are any sensible they won't accept gifts from the son-in-law but its for them to decide.And stop receiving any gifts from either sides.
If you are in the US, don't go to your home country unless its an absolute must. I found that every time I go there family and relatives end up giving tons of unsolicited advice. The intentions are good but I have to keep saying no (diplomacy doesn't work at all) and that gets very annoying eventually.
Finally, if you have a career oriented working wife there are advantages to it. Its better to work instead of being a hopeless housewife.
Yes, it also means you can't take things for granted but that's no reason you should end up with a sweet, traditional house wife who'll no longer be that way when hopelessness sets in.
I been a member of IV for a long time and just to keep myself anonymous for a while I created this account. I am so sorry for opening a thread in a completely irrelevant forum but I have no idea what to do. So, I request all the members to please help me by providing some kind of information.
Here is my story:
I came to US in 2002 and completed masters and been working since then. I got married couple of years ago. Whatever the monetary gifts the girls parents gave as part of the marriage, I put all that in an account on the girls name within 2 days of the marriage. We came to India and from then on the problems started. She and her parents want me to separate from my parents and support their family by sending money to their parents which I couldn't do. How can I leave my parents in their old age when they worked very hard to give a decent life. She has been harassing me mentally for this all the time. Recently her parents have been threatening me saying they will file dowry case in India if I don't send money or cut myself off from my parents. I provided for the girl in all possible ways, even encouraged her to join school to get a masters degree which she stopped soon. We had a baby recently and my parents visited us to help us with the baby. She started harassing them too by saying something or other.
I am very frustrated at this situation and I don't know what to do. I am on H1B and applied for 485 too. At times I feel like applying for divorce but when I think about my little baby I am not able to take that step. The house we currently live in, I bought long before the marriage. It came to a situation where we cannot live together. I cannot ask her to go out of the house because she doesn't have anywhere to go and with the baby even if she leaves, it will be very tough. I said I will leave the house and stay in a apartment for which she threatens to commit suicide. So, I don't know what to do. I am worried about my baby because between all this my baby's life will be spoiled and I don't want that. Can anyone please tell me what I can do in this matter?
Thank you very much for taking time to read this.
When you hear incidents like this, its always like "girls are too much". On the contrary, when we hear of wives being beaten up by "educated husbands" boys are too much. This is all silly really.
I have heard some indian females complaining all the time how males tend to dominate everywhere its not really true. In a relationship, anyone could be a dominant partner - male or female. Dominance also means responsibility and taking initiative. So its not all that bad. And it is certainly not a male prerogative!!
Your case is a clear case of "external interference". Divorce is not a solution to cases like these. Its not like you are not getting along. You relationship is spoiled due to unwanted interference. Convince your wife that you and her always come first. You cannot make your parents happy at the cost of displeasing her and also the other way round.
Stop trying to diplomatic and stop being a family-pleaser. If you don't like something, say it clear and upfront rather than pussy footing around it. I found that diplomacy does not work at all. It only sends wrong signals and eventually you end up putting a firm foot down, anyways.
Get rid of the elders from your life. It means don't allow parents/siblings from either sides to interfere at all in any decision making. Get the inputs but make it clear its a joint decision made by husband-wife and they have no say in it. Don't allow your parents/in-laws to stay with you more than bare minimum necessary for the new-born.
If it means making some career sacrifices, so be it. Its your baby and you need to take care of it finally.
Retrospect - analyze what has gone wrong. Today, you find your wife is all wrong and you are all right but when you do the retrospect you'll find its not like that, in fact its never like that. Humans make mistakes and we must accept that.
Stop sending money to parents and in-laws, if its possible. Otherwise, maintain parity by sending money in small amounts to both parents. Its stupid to say my wife is not working so she has no business to send money to her parents. Its so wrong and I'm surprised folks can think like this. Marriage is about sharing and even a child will tell you that. If the in-laws are any sensible they won't accept gifts from the son-in-law but its for them to decide.And stop receiving any gifts from either sides.
If you are in the US, don't go to your home country unless its an absolute must. I found that every time I go there family and relatives end up giving tons of unsolicited advice. The intentions are good but I have to keep saying no (diplomacy doesn't work at all) and that gets very annoying eventually.
Finally, if you have a career oriented working wife there are advantages to it. Its better to work instead of being a hopeless housewife.
Yes, it also means you can't take things for granted but that's no reason you should end up with a sweet, traditional house wife who'll no longer be that way when hopelessness sets in.
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stldude
08-10 03:29 PM
Congrats - Is u'r 485 processed in NSC. Do you have the SRC** or LIN *** for the receipt no.
All 6 of our checks got cleared today below are the details
I-485/131/765 recd date: 2nd july 07
I-485/131/765 notice date: 06th Aug 07
Service Center send : NSC
I-140 approved : on 31-May-06, TSC
Got Recipts : NO
All 6 of our checks got cleared today below are the details
I-485/131/765 recd date: 2nd july 07
I-485/131/765 notice date: 06th Aug 07
Service Center send : NSC
I-140 approved : on 31-May-06, TSC
Got Recipts : NO
manugee
09-11 03:26 PM
I managed to get a red-eye back from CA on Monday... so I will see you guys on Tuesday for the rally.
Go IV,
Manish Jain
Go IV,
Manish Jain
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tinamatthew
07-23 12:05 AM
OK!
Where are you schedule A? Come on, join this forum, share your opinion and propositions!
Do all agree that "bridge bill" is the only real helpful measure for us? Or you can show us some other ways?
I mean let's set at least one goal!
After that we can establish what we have, and how we can make it real.
Anyway, it might be quite difficult to organise such a work group, because the majourity of schedule A are outside the US, and on CP... But we all have our emploiers and attorneis who could help us to lobby our interests in the US.
What do you think about it?
WELL SAID CHISINAU
Where are you schedule A? Come on, join this forum, share your opinion and propositions!
Do all agree that "bridge bill" is the only real helpful measure for us? Or you can show us some other ways?
I mean let's set at least one goal!
After that we can establish what we have, and how we can make it real.
Anyway, it might be quite difficult to organise such a work group, because the majourity of schedule A are outside the US, and on CP... But we all have our emploiers and attorneis who could help us to lobby our interests in the US.
What do you think about it?
WELL SAID CHISINAU
more...
ramus
09-10 06:45 AM
Thanks for contribution..
just donated 100$ thru google checkout . transaction id Google Order #312235194400027
just donated 100$ thru google checkout . transaction id Google Order #312235194400027
vdlrao
06-10 10:56 AM
The July 2008 Visa Bulletin has said Exactly the same, but in different words, what I have been saying for the past few months about the EB2-India and EB3-India Movements.
EB2 India will move very fast till 01 JAN 06 as because based on June 2007 bulletin, just before the july fiasco,( http://travel.state.gov/visa/frvi/bulletin/bulletin_3236.html ) the PD for China is 01 JAN 06. That means in EB2 Category except India and China every other country is current. So till India reaches 01 JAN 06 PD in EB2, all the spill overs will be moved to EB2 India,because the spill overs will be alloted based on the priority of old PD(Priority Date). By the time India EB2 reaches 01 JAN 06, China PD in EB2 will move further from 01 JAN 06 by using its 7% quota. So Inidia PD for EB2 again moves fast till that changed China PD using the spill overs. After that India and China will share the spill overs based on the PD priority. All this happens if and only if the USCIS works effectively and uses all the available visa numbers for the present fiscal year. My prediction for EB2 India PD is it touch 2005 /even cross few months in 2005 by the end of this year if USCIS works effectively.
For all Eb3s along with EB2s with PD after April 2005, the movement in the coming visa bulletins wont be much encoraging unless the new Obama government does something significant about employent based category or immigrationvoice does a fruitful lobbying. The doings of something by obama government to employment based category is not in our hands. The only thing we could do is to help IV and help ourrselves by contributing to it to reach its financial target for better lobbying. Or else wait for the Visa Bulletin every month with great hopes, sorry dreams, for your PD to become current, and satisfy with your EADs for years ahead.
EB2 India will move very fast till 01 JAN 06 as because based on June 2007 bulletin, just before the july fiasco,( http://travel.state.gov/visa/frvi/bulletin/bulletin_3236.html ) the PD for China is 01 JAN 06. That means in EB2 Category except India and China every other country is current. So till India reaches 01 JAN 06 PD in EB2, all the spill overs will be moved to EB2 India,because the spill overs will be alloted based on the priority of old PD(Priority Date). By the time India EB2 reaches 01 JAN 06, China PD in EB2 will move further from 01 JAN 06 by using its 7% quota. So Inidia PD for EB2 again moves fast till that changed China PD using the spill overs. After that India and China will share the spill overs based on the PD priority. All this happens if and only if the USCIS works effectively and uses all the available visa numbers for the present fiscal year. My prediction for EB2 India PD is it touch 2005 /even cross few months in 2005 by the end of this year if USCIS works effectively.
For all Eb3s along with EB2s with PD after April 2005, the movement in the coming visa bulletins wont be much encoraging unless the new Obama government does something significant about employent based category or immigrationvoice does a fruitful lobbying. The doings of something by obama government to employment based category is not in our hands. The only thing we could do is to help IV and help ourrselves by contributing to it to reach its financial target for better lobbying. Or else wait for the Visa Bulletin every month with great hopes, sorry dreams, for your PD to become current, and satisfy with your EADs for years ahead.
more...
Kodi
06-22 10:41 AM
Nothing so far. I keep checking the status of my application every day but its still "In Process"
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manugee
09-10 03:07 PM
I meant to say next tuesday. Though I'm still trying to adjust my plans...
more...
rajuram
06-09 11:16 PM
multiple year eads & ap - may or may not happen
visa recapture - no chance
visa increase - will not happen
still contribute??
visa recapture - no chance
visa increase - will not happen
still contribute??
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eb3_nepa
03-12 10:38 AM
Hi Guys,
I noticed recently a lot of people have the status of "Donor" instead of "Senior Member", "Member", Junior Member etc.
How does one become a "Donor". I have donated to IV SEVERAL times in the past.
IV has started a donor Forum for contributing members.
http://immigrationvoice.org/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=109
Our monthly subscription based model will help members get access to this area for that time period. In the coming days we will be consolidating all previous subscribers who are continuing their subscription at present to be added as well. If you are an old continuing subscriber, and do not have access, do send an email to info at immigrationvoice.org with your name, email, amount subscribed every month and your IV ID. We will verify it and add you. If you have given a one time payment this month more than $25, we will be dividing it by $25 and the system will calculate the number of months you are subscribed. If you have the old $20/month subscription, please continue that. We will add you in the Monthly subscribers as well.
If you wish to subscribe, please click on the donate now link, adjacent to the green progress bar above and subscribe.
From now we will post IV updates on the donor forum so that members who contribute get the privilege of getting the information. If the information can be released for public, we will release it on the main forums after a delay. Donor forum will have the first access to the information. All donors will be identified by a 'donor' status in their profiles instead of junior/senior members.
If members want to start a thread in the donor forum, please add 'Donor Forum' before the the thread title so that everyone knows it is in the restricted area.
Admins will visit this area more often and answer questions from members. This will also enable more close coordination and communication between committed members. It is sometimes difficult for us to to read every post on the forum or post certain information for public consumption.
Thank you for your continued support
I noticed recently a lot of people have the status of "Donor" instead of "Senior Member", "Member", Junior Member etc.
How does one become a "Donor". I have donated to IV SEVERAL times in the past.
IV has started a donor Forum for contributing members.
http://immigrationvoice.org/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=109
Our monthly subscription based model will help members get access to this area for that time period. In the coming days we will be consolidating all previous subscribers who are continuing their subscription at present to be added as well. If you are an old continuing subscriber, and do not have access, do send an email to info at immigrationvoice.org with your name, email, amount subscribed every month and your IV ID. We will verify it and add you. If you have given a one time payment this month more than $25, we will be dividing it by $25 and the system will calculate the number of months you are subscribed. If you have the old $20/month subscription, please continue that. We will add you in the Monthly subscribers as well.
If you wish to subscribe, please click on the donate now link, adjacent to the green progress bar above and subscribe.
From now we will post IV updates on the donor forum so that members who contribute get the privilege of getting the information. If the information can be released for public, we will release it on the main forums after a delay. Donor forum will have the first access to the information. All donors will be identified by a 'donor' status in their profiles instead of junior/senior members.
If members want to start a thread in the donor forum, please add 'Donor Forum' before the the thread title so that everyone knows it is in the restricted area.
Admins will visit this area more often and answer questions from members. This will also enable more close coordination and communication between committed members. It is sometimes difficult for us to to read every post on the forum or post certain information for public consumption.
Thank you for your continued support
more...
lccleared
09-10 09:24 PM
Small Contribution of $ 100 through Paypal. Confirmation # 2SX022305K271564K.
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kartikiran
08-23 08:34 AM
So does this mean:
a) Less of EB1
b) Less of EB2- ROW
c) Less porting from EB3->EB2
If implemented may help the EB2-I/C backlog move faster. Probably USCIS's way of reducing the backlog!!
deepimpact, shame on you to think like this. This is just one more of example of how ignorant the immigrant community is about the ground realities of these law changes in the employment-based immigration rules which includes H1B, L1s, EB apps etc.
1. The neufield memo of Employer-employee relationship & giving not 3 years of H1B visas but in some cases depending on the contract 3 months of H1B visas.
2. The fee hikes of H1B & L1 visas.
3. Make EB1, EB2 etc more strict to make it almost impossible to get anymore EB2 apps approved. BTW there is nothing which stops them from issuing another memo to review all EB2/EB3 I-140 approval and revise the approvals & deny them if deemed necessary. What would you say then?
You completely missed the point. Put the events in chronological order and you will realize why IV Core insists on meeting lawmakers. Pretty soon, there will be no avenues even with a lot of legitimate experience for an immigrant unless they end up winning nobel prizes....sorry there are not many nobel prize winners in this world and I have not met one so far.
Anyway, hope others continue to meet the lawmakers leaving your EB2-EB3 divide to ask them for recapture and removal of country limits.
Peace.
a) Less of EB1
b) Less of EB2- ROW
c) Less porting from EB3->EB2
If implemented may help the EB2-I/C backlog move faster. Probably USCIS's way of reducing the backlog!!
deepimpact, shame on you to think like this. This is just one more of example of how ignorant the immigrant community is about the ground realities of these law changes in the employment-based immigration rules which includes H1B, L1s, EB apps etc.
1. The neufield memo of Employer-employee relationship & giving not 3 years of H1B visas but in some cases depending on the contract 3 months of H1B visas.
2. The fee hikes of H1B & L1 visas.
3. Make EB1, EB2 etc more strict to make it almost impossible to get anymore EB2 apps approved. BTW there is nothing which stops them from issuing another memo to review all EB2/EB3 I-140 approval and revise the approvals & deny them if deemed necessary. What would you say then?
You completely missed the point. Put the events in chronological order and you will realize why IV Core insists on meeting lawmakers. Pretty soon, there will be no avenues even with a lot of legitimate experience for an immigrant unless they end up winning nobel prizes....sorry there are not many nobel prize winners in this world and I have not met one so far.
Anyway, hope others continue to meet the lawmakers leaving your EB2-EB3 divide to ask them for recapture and removal of country limits.
Peace.
more...
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javadeveloper
08-14 06:39 PM
People who can buy houses are more important to USCIS/US than people who already have bought houses.
Thats what I am saying , if they come up with strategy like this , people will start buying homes.
Thats what I am saying , if they come up with strategy like this , people will start buying homes.
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Munna Bhai
02-08 04:00 PM
Online status certified...filed in Nov 2004...but no hard-copy yet..so that to do next??
more...
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sheela
10-17 10:40 AM
NK2000:
Thanks a ton for this great job. I will mail out today
Thanks a ton for this great job. I will mail out today
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vindas
09-02 02:56 PM
Landed in US on 31st March 2002
Applied Labor ( RIR) in Sept 2003 in EB3
Got Labor approval in 2007
Filed I-140 in premium and got the approval in 15 days.
Filed I-485 in July 2007
Invoked AC 21 and changed employer in 2009
Got the 3rd EAD renewed
Still waiting with new hope every year
Applied Labor ( RIR) in Sept 2003 in EB3
Got Labor approval in 2007
Filed I-140 in premium and got the approval in 15 days.
Filed I-485 in July 2007
Invoked AC 21 and changed employer in 2009
Got the 3rd EAD renewed
Still waiting with new hope every year
more...
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qualified_trash
01-04 04:01 PM
...here is the latest example (http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/NEWS/India/For_IITians_today_home_is_where_the_moolah_is/articleshow/1054987.cms).
you are assuming that all Indians in the US are from IIT. there are lesser mortals too you know ......... :-))
you are assuming that all Indians in the US are from IIT. there are lesser mortals too you know ......... :-))
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indyyy
04-11 03:02 PM
No, unfortunatelly, there are many thousands like me.
PD - Nov 2001, regular, EB2 - No 45 day letter yet - How about that ?
PD - Nov 2001, regular, EB2 - No 45 day letter yet - How about that ?
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Sachin_Stock
08-23 06:58 PM
Well explained.
Most of EB2 falls into : 1.Advanced Degree-(where most of us fall into ) it is either masters or Bachelors+5 years
Till now there is no proposal to change the above.
The internal memo is for Extraordinary Ability quota, and it is in comment period. It is not implemented yet.
The similar kind of restriction should be applied for EB1 - multinational executive quota.
Thats why I asked earlier whether this memo has anything radically different then what already exists? Nope.
Most of EB2 falls into : 1.Advanced Degree-(where most of us fall into ) it is either masters or Bachelors+5 years
Till now there is no proposal to change the above.
The internal memo is for Extraordinary Ability quota, and it is in comment period. It is not implemented yet.
The similar kind of restriction should be applied for EB1 - multinational executive quota.
Thats why I asked earlier whether this memo has anything radically different then what already exists? Nope.
add78
06-19 12:01 PM
Guys,
every bit helps.
do whatever you can.
remember that cup of starbucks / dunkin is $3 / $2 a day, 10 days = 2 weeks of coffee = $30 / $20.
we can reach out to our friends and energize them.
every phone call counts. every discussion counts. every persuasion triggers another one. every donation counts.
$100/year = 27 cents a day!
$50/year = 14 cents a day!
Let us stand up to our High Income, High Education, High Skills reputation.
Please donate. Please reach out. Please do whatever you can to help your own cause.
Thank You.
every bit helps.
do whatever you can.
remember that cup of starbucks / dunkin is $3 / $2 a day, 10 days = 2 weeks of coffee = $30 / $20.
we can reach out to our friends and energize them.
every phone call counts. every discussion counts. every persuasion triggers another one. every donation counts.
$100/year = 27 cents a day!
$50/year = 14 cents a day!
Let us stand up to our High Income, High Education, High Skills reputation.
Please donate. Please reach out. Please do whatever you can to help your own cause.
Thank You.
sertasheep
07-05 07:59 PM
A while back, we compiled a story of NJ members. See here (http://www.mydatabus.com/public/immigrationvoice/NJ_Stories_V5.pdf) Please meet with varshadas, who runs the NJ chapter of IV. If you are able to mobilize yourselves, you can get together
Disclaimer:This is a PDF. Please use your discretion and exercise caution in scanning it for viruses.
All NJ guys can meet Congressman Pallone, without any problem. You guys are always driving around these addresses.....
CENTRAL NJ
67/69 Church St.
Kilmer Square
New Brunswick, N.J. 08901
Phone: (732) 249-8892 MONMOUTH
504 Broadway
Long Branch, N.J. 07740
Phone: (732) 571-1140
(888) 423-1140
Disclaimer:This is a PDF. Please use your discretion and exercise caution in scanning it for viruses.
All NJ guys can meet Congressman Pallone, without any problem. You guys are always driving around these addresses.....
CENTRAL NJ
67/69 Church St.
Kilmer Square
New Brunswick, N.J. 08901
Phone: (732) 249-8892 MONMOUTH
504 Broadway
Long Branch, N.J. 07740
Phone: (732) 571-1140
(888) 423-1140
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